THE LAND OF CONTRADICTIONS

This month marks 28 years since I crash-landed in Japan with my shiny new Japanese wife, ready to start a new life. I had no clue what to expect from a country on the opposite side of the globe, where my only experience was a few weeks of holidaying. All I really knew was that it was a powerhouse in the manufacture of cars and electronic gadgets, and the origin of my favourite childhood cartoon, “Heidi, Girl of the Alps”.

Was it a risk? Absolutely. An adventure? You bet! But hey, life is full of adventures, and that’s what keeps it spicy, right?

So, just as the Swiss girl from the Alps had embarked on an exciting new adventure in the bustling city of Frankfurt, I set off for the Far East, filled with uncertainty about what lay ahead.

I soon discovered that Japan is a fascinating, yet puzzling place. No other country feels more like a bizarre blend of the familiar and the utterly alien.

When you look around, you might think Japan has been Westernised (or rather Americanised). But don’t be fooled. Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, Japan hits you over the head with the unexpected - usually when you’re least expecting it!

I’ve been metaphorically smacked over the head numerous times in the last 28 years. Usually at moments when I foolishly thought that I had finally made sense of it all.

Japan is a master at importing aspects from various cultures, giving them a twist, and producing something quintessentially Japanese.

For example, while Japan is second only to the United States in the number of McDonald’s restaurants - the epitome of western civilisation, you may be surprised by what’s on the menu: Fancy a Moon-Viewing Burger, a Samurai Mac, or a dessert from the Pikachu Menu? Yes, you read that right - Pikachu for dessert!

You can find more than 55,000 convenience stores and numerous 24-hour supermarkets, enabling you to buy practically anything your heart desires at any time of the day - or night. But when you want to draw money from an ATM, you’ll have to do it between 7am and 9pm, because they close for the night. Ironic, considering that the dictionary definition of an ATM is “an automated teller machine that allows you to deposit and withdraw cash anytime, without needing to visit a bank during business hours.”

Well, I guess the Japanese definition differs. Maybe their ATMs need a beauty sleep.

When it comes to cash, it still reigns supreme in Japan. Although cashless payment options and the number of shops accepting credit cards have grown significantly in recent years, you can still easily find yourself in situations where only cash is accepted.

Back in 1996, when my wife and I went to a second-hand car dealer to get ourselves two sets of wheels, imagine my surprise when we were asked to pay for the two cars with a stack of cash! I hadn’t really expected to just swipe my credit card (not that my limit would have covered it anyway), but I did wonder whether a bank transfer wouldn’t have been a more practical - and safer - option. But hey, in a country with a famously low crime rate, I guess there is little chance of getting mugged at gunpoint after withdrawing a large sum of cash, so lugging around a suitcase of cash may not be such a big deal.

Cash also rules when it comes to paying bills. While it has become more commonplace to have the money automatically taken out of your bank account, it is still very widespread to receive a paper bill in the post, which can then be paid at any convenience store - in cash. This still applies to any kind of tax. So, as I’m not in the habit of keeping the equivalent of hundreds of dollars in my sock drawer, whenever I get one of those bills, I first need to take a trip to the ATM (obviously not during the nighttime!) to draw cash, which I then carry to the next convenience store, where I deposit the banknotes in the machine, while the shop assistant puts the obligatory seal (so-called hanko) on my receipt, which serves as proof of my payment.

So, there you have it - Japan, the land where ATMs have a bedtime and Pikachu serves you dessert. Never a dull moment!

With all the images of Tokyo’s fast-paced, tech-savvy society, you’d think Japan would be a futuristic wonderland. But hold your robots! It turns out that high-tech magic is mostly reserved for the entertainment industry. In daily life, the tech scene can sometimes feel more like a retro flashback.

Despite the government’s best efforts and the appointment of a “Digital Minister” (yes, that’s a real job!), Japan is still clinging to its beloved fax machines and hanko seals like they’re the latest gadgets.

Why, you ask? Well, for starters, 30% of Japan’s population is over 65. They have been faxing since the 1980s and see no reason to change.

Then there’s the security angle. Faxes are sent over telephone lines, which are seen as safer than email, which can be hacked. Because nothing says “secure” like a piece of paper slowly crawling out of a machine.

But the biggest reason? Paper. Lots and lots of paper. Businesses and government offices still love their paper documents and personal seals. If you want to sign a contract in Japan, you need a hanko. Faxes are perfect because they can be stamped with a hanko and filed away in a dusty cabinet.

So, when the “Digital Minister” tried to banish fax machines and personal seals in 2021, hundreds of government offices collectively said, “Nope, not happening.”

Digital signatures? Still a pipe dream for many businesses that prefer their trusty seals and paper trails.

And then there’s the “Electronic Record Retention Law,” which says that from 2024, records of electronic transactions must be archived electronically. In theory.

In practice, businesses can still stick to good old paper. The original strict rules for archiving electronic documents were so tough that businesses couldn’t comply, so the government kept loosening the restrictions. Now, there’s no official deadline for compliance - though the government won’t admit it.

So, fax machines and hankos are here to stay. Not even a pandemic was able to relegate them to the history books.

But there is some progress. In July 2024, Japan finally declared victory over floppy disks, announcing they had been removed from all government systems. Which makes you wonder how old their PCs are, considering floppy disk drives were phased out in the early 2000s…

This all highlights the contrasts and contradictions in a country of ultra-modern traditionalists. Welcome to Japan, where the past and future collide in the most unexpected ways!

This is a place where you can still see young women strolling the streets in traditional kimono, a parasol in one hand and a Hello Kitty iPhone 16 in the other.

It’s a country of quiet people who thrive on noise.

Trains are eerily silent, with passengers avoiding conversation and phone calls. Concerts are hushed affairs before the show starts. But step outside, and it’s a different story. Vans with loudspeakers cruise neighborhoods ahead of elections, or announcing the collection of scrap metal or old appliances. And Japanese pubs? The noise level rises with every beer consumed.

This is a country with an extremely high sense of politeness that you won’t find anywhere else. But as a foreigner, you might be in for a surprise when a door slams in your face because holding the door open for others isn’t really a thing here. And if you do hold it open for someone, prepare for some shocked expressions!

Letting the door slam shut is one thing, but what really baffles me is when someone goes through a door with an automatic closer ahead of me and then makes a dramatic effort to pull it shut, as if to say, “Good luck, pal! This one’s all yours!”

And forget about “ladies first”. In Japan, when using a lift, women are generally expected to hover near the buttons to hold the door open for the men, before exiting last.

This leads to some hilarious situations. Picture this: I’m in a lift with a woman. I’m standing to one side of the door, pressing the “open” button and signalling for the woman on the opposite side to exit first. Meanwhile, her finger is on the same button, waiting for me to leave. We end up in a polite standoff, both of us refusing to cave in and accept the other’s gesture. It’s like a politeness duel, and neither of us is willing to draw first!

Although the gentleman in me stubbornly refuses to give up on the principles I grew up with, I still often lose the duel, fearing that otherwise I would be trapped in the lift for eternity - or at least until the building closes at the end of the day.

Welcome to the land of contradictions!