ALIENS, CHOPSTICKS, AND THE SIXTH SENSE

Japan has been surfing a tidal wave of popularity lately - both as a holiday hotspot and a full-time home. As a result, my neighbourhood has turned into a veritable United Nations parade every time I step out for a jog or walk.

Given that by the end of 2024, a record-breaking 3.8 million foreigners called this home, it's hardly surprising that running into fellow members of the "foreign species" has become quite routine. That said, spotting them isn't always as straightforward as you'd think.

Sure, identifying Americans or Europeans is child's play. But the majority of foreigners living here hail from other Asian countries, and quite often, their language is the only give-away. Which can be tricky in itself.

Take last year, for example, when a Korean work colleague of mine visited Japan. I figured we'd bond over good food, so I took her to lunch and dinner.

The restaurant staff would assess the situation quicker than stock market traders: "Hmm... A Westerner who probably speaks zero Japanese, dining with a presumably Japanese lady. It's a no-brainer: I'll converse with her, to save myself some stress or embarrass myself with my limited English."

And with that, they'd completely ignore me and start quizzing my Korean friend - who, of course, couldn't understand a word of Japanese. Cue the waiter's utter confusion, as though they'd been sucked into an alternate dimension.

Naturally, I'd step in to save the day. Japan can be tricky if you "look the part" but don't speak the lingo.

For me, it's the opposite scenario. People often don't expect me to speak Japanese, but you can almost see the palpable relief when they realise I do. And with more and more foreigners becoming fluent in what is undeniably one of the more challenging languages in the world, expectations have risen accordingly.

Scenes of Japanese baby talk sprinkled with some random English words (the meaning of which was completely lost on me) have - thankfully - largely become a thing of the past.

One needs to make a distinction, though: Japanese people seem to have a sixth sense when it comes to recognising whether a Western-looking person is a seasoned local or just a passing tourist. Perhaps it's the subtle mannerisms - like my involuntary bowing reflex, which is a dead giveaway that I'm not a first-time visitor from foreign shores.

But as soon as I'm in the company of another Westerner, the sixth sense malfunctions. The common assumption seems to be that if one foreigner comes along, then he's likely a long-term resident and speaks the language. But two at the same time? They must be tourists on a whirlwind Japan adventure. Funny how dynamics shift with just one extra foreigner!

Being (relatively!) fluent can also come with its own pitfalls, though. Japanese vocabulary is like a bottomless pit; there's always one more level of formality a person can use to say something. And guess what? Politeness levels skyrocket when speaking to a customer - which means I sometimes struggle to understand the overly polite phrases hurled at me. Instead of switching to a simpler expression, people seem convinced that repeating the same fancy phrase multiple times will somehow magically make me understand it at some point. Let me tell you: it doesn't.

That said, if I had received a penny (or a yen) each time in the last 28 years when someone praised my Japanese language skills (sometimes for merely uttering a simple "Konnichiwa"), I'd be a rich man now.

And if I also counted the compliments for my "masterful chopstick skills", I could probably outbid Elon Musk in the acquisition of the next big Tech giant.

So yes, it's quickly becoming much more ordinary to be a foreigner around here.

That said, being a Swiss citizen in Japan is still far from ordinary: There's only around 1,400 of us, which translates into a mere 0.037% of the foreign population in Japan. With numbers that low, I sometimes feel like I should know every Swiss expat personally! Yet, embarrassingly, I can count my actual Swiss acquaintances on one hand… and still have fingers to spare.